Dealing with things

Was listening to a conversation among friends the other day about people looking good, and whether they do it for themselves, or for others. I tend to think it's a bit of both, but mostly for the self, and it's a self-fulfilling thing - if you feel good, then you look good, which makes you feel really good, etc. 

It set me thinking - I've been making a bit more of an effort with my appearance since the last hospital stay in November - when I came out and they said I was gonna need a transplant probably in the next year, and put me on pre-dialysis "training courses" and so on, the whole thing became so huge that it was all I'd think about or all anyone would ask me about. A couple of weeks after I came out of hospital, I went and dyed my hair brick red, and also started buying brighter colour clothes, having been a khaki/black/white kinda girl for years. 

When you're ill or have an injury it tends to start defining you; like when I was on crutches after my knee surgery a couple of years ago, it sometimes felt like it was all anyone would ever talk to me about. I dyed my hair in total reaction to the fact I was sick - it meant that people would say "wow!" when they saw me rather than ask how I was getting on or get lost for words and just look at me sympathetically or whatever. It gives people an "in" - or an "out", if you look at it the other way I spose.

As it happens, I absolutely love the colour, so does my boy and I seem to be getting away with it at work too, so everyone's a winner :)

Got another check-up at the hospital on Monday. I feel pretty okay this week actually.... a bit tired  but nothing terrible. My liver cyst is giving me way more grief than my kidneys are. Not quite sure what to do about that. I really really want it gone, but I don't want to risk ending up on dialysis unnecessarily either.

On top of all that, we're trying to buy a house!!!

We *might* have done it, too. It's all just pending the surveyor telling us it's okay now. Might even be able to complete in a couple of weeks. That'd be cool. The idea of being able to decorate it however I want and hammer nails in the wall without fretting makes me happy - it's a whole new project, I spose! 

The whole thing got very much accelerated by the likelihood of me needing major surgery later in the year, coupled with our landlord wanting to sell. I still think it's the right thing to do, though, even if the papers are predicting doom. We're buying a home, not a profit margin. :)