I suddenly felt very under the spotlight at the weekend - I was at an impromptu BBQ/party, when after a bit of food I suddenly felt quite sick. Took myself off to the empty kitchen for a few deep breaths. A friend walked in and asked if I was alright, perfectly nice thing to do, but I immediately withdrew and was just like "yeah, I'm fine", and wouldn't let him even touch me, proper defensive and really unhelpful to myself! Stupid. Don't know why I do it, but can't stop myself.

Sat down for a bit and then let my lovely boy know I was gonna head home cos I felt shitty. He came with me, bless him. Got loads of concerned hugs before I left. Just ended up feeling like I'd made an exhibition of myself. *sigh* How do I reconcile the fact that I do sometimes need people to take account of the fact I'm a bit shit at the moment with the fact I want to be treated normally and not like some broken/delicate thing?