Moan

I was just about to go onto a Kidney Patient forum and moan about things, but I got half way through writing the post and it all sounded so bloody bleating that I just deleted it and came here instead. 

I've just had a bad few days, I suppose. I haven't been able to get through a day without finding myself in tears for one reason or another and it doesn't seem to be getting any easier, either. I just don't seem to be able to see a way through everything. In a way, I kinda want things to stay as they are, I mean I'm *ok*, not great but not too ill. I just can't imagine it getting better any time soon. I'm either gonna be dialysing, which will be a pain in the arse (well, the arm), and most people seem to agree that the start of dialysis makes you feel worse rather than better, which doesn't exactly fill me with joy! Or I'll be having a tx operation, which is gonna leave me on more pills than you can shake a stick at, probably make me put loads of weight on and generally be in more of a state, at least temporarily.... I dunno.

Maybe I just need to stop reading that site. Everyone seems to be down about their situation. It could be that I'm only seeing the negatives. 

At least it's not as bad as the US sites, where everyone goes on about having to cope with this terrible disease/affliction bla blah blah.... I can't hack all that woe is me stuff, but there does seem to be some genuine bad shit that happens to people during the course of all this.

It just all feels really rather lonely at present and I don't have anyone to discuss how I feel.  I can only bore my boy with it so much, he puts up with loads, the poor thing. 

Generally feeling a bit sad. :(